Saturday, 23 May 2009

Survival Sunday School



D-day. Crunch-time. Last chance saloon. Survival Sunday sponsored by Ford… However you brand it – whatever hyperbolic name it is given, tomorrow means the end for 2 of 4 Premier League sides. Whether you have your fingers, toes, hell, even eyes crossed for ‘Boro, the Black Cats, the Tigers or the Toon, tomorrow will be painful. If not for you, then for the one next to you, or for the one next to them. Whoever it is, I feel sorry for the poor sod. Still, I suppose it serves you/them right for cheering on a horse doomed from the beginning... the North-East horse.

It hasn’t been a great (even mediocre) season for followers of Tyne/Wear/Tee* (*delete as appropriate) side based outfits. The famous ‘hotbed’ of football is now tepid at best, when as little as 6 years ago Newcastle finished 3rd, and as little as 3 years ago Middlesbrough were UEFA Cup finalists. So what went wrong? Well… transfers.

For Middlesbrough this is, to some extent, understandable. A rookie manager was frequently given a very specific budget - whether this was in proportion to his knowledge, or the belief in him by Steve Gibson is debatable, but it certainly affected Southgate’s plans in the windows. It always meant that it was a matter of when, not if, for his team that was forced to combine local youths and the odd overpriced, over-rated and under-tested foreigner; the men he panic-bought to get the goals to keep his team of kids in the top flight. Except they didn’t. Ever. 




When Gibson had the courage to back Gareth, fear and naivity got the better of the former England defender, and rash decisions were made, such as the purchase of Afonso Alves. Why Southgate failed to learn from the signing of Kezman, I will never know, but Southgate saw a striker who had an insanely successful year in the DUTCH DIVISION and instantly decided he was the saviour. He completely ignored the fact that Alves had no proven record elsewhere, and didn’t even prove his season wasn’t a fluke at Heerenveen. Not necessarily a problem for a couple of million, but Southgate immediately spunked 12 of them all over the grateful Dutchmen.

Credit where it’s due, Southgate has unearthed and nurtured the likes of David Wheater, Matthew Bates, Ross Turnbull and Andrew Taylor, giving them a wealth of first-team opportunities rarely afforded at most clubs. It does seem, however, that Southgate has merely succeeded in fattening up these piglets for a relegation market-sale, where they will be greedily snapped up by Premier League clubs hunting a bargain. This is my fear for Boro if they are relegated. Many sides sell their first-team and rely on their youth… Boro’s youth is their first team…



This wanton waste of cash is the same at Newcastle and Sunderland. The former are infamous foe selecting random Europeans with glowing reputations and, coincidentally, excellent agents. (See Messrs Kluivert, Luque, pictured) Toon chiefs tell them to name their salary and just pray they perform, whilst completely neglecting the areas in desperate need of re-enforcement. 

One only needs to look at the wealth of injury-prone international ‘stars’ in Newcastle’s squad and the amount they have cost (in fees and wages) to see how bad the problem has been on Tyneside. The signing of Michael Owen is a prime example – Shepherd was desperate to be the man that signed Owen, so desperate that he paid wages that most top clubs laughed at. Now Owen is one of three strikers with ‘top-class’ reputations, but that have, this season, managed bugger-all in front of goal. When you realise that they cost nearly £30 million in fees, and ‘earn’ a reputed quarter of a million per week between them it beggars belief. Not just that this has happened, but that it has happened AGAIN… Maybe relegation will be a good thing for the Toon, maybe they will learn from it…




For Sunderland, however, throwing money around has been a relatively new phenomenon. Mainly because they didn’t have it before Roy Keane. Though I don’t believe they had it during his reign either, he was allowed to spend at will. And like (coincidentally) an Irishman in a brewery, there was no stopping him - he proceeded to tap every last club for their dregs. 

During his 100 match reign he spent a whopping £80 million, hurling wads of cash at Tottenham’s reserves, and the likes of Michael Chopra and Kieron Richardson. Not unproven players, this was worse – ones proven to be average at best. Should Sunderland go down tomorrow, debts could be the next big problem at the Stadium of Light. Most of their players will be sold off on the cheap, and, if they are unable to recoup a decent amount of their substantial outlay, or make their wage bill sustainable, a financial nightmare could overcome the club.





As I said, there will be tears tomorrow. Whether they are shed by you, the one next to you, or the one next to them… stop it. Now. You knew it was going to happen eventually. In the East they call it Karma. Maybe tomorrow will serve a purpose in the evolution of British football. Maybe clubs will wake up and realise that it’s performances, not reputations that win you matches. Ooh hang on – isn’t Crespo leaving Inter..? Now someone should snap him up…

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